{"id":485,"date":"2020-04-05T13:13:26","date_gmt":"2020-04-05T13:13:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.eol.co.il\/en\/?p=485"},"modified":"2020-05-24T11:48:03","modified_gmt":"2020-05-24T11:48:03","slug":"a-moment-of-attention-how-to-focus-on-real-solutions-instead-of-finding-fault-with-other","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.eol.co.il\/en\/a-moment-of-attention-how-to-focus-on-real-solutions-instead-of-finding-fault-with-other\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Focus on Real Solutions Instead of Placing Blame on Others"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

When something goes wrong, we want it fixed right away or demand justice. For this to happen, we need someone to whom we can address the issue. But the answer to the question of whether something can be fixed or if justice can be made, is very much dependent on the action that we take when we find this person. Professor of Sociology Bren\u00e9 Brown, known for her very popular TED talk, explains that by pointing a blaming finger at others you don\u2019t necessarily get the result you wished for. What can we do instead?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In her short video on the RSA YouTube channel<\/a>, she admits that she is a blamer. She shares a personal story, where she accidently dropped a cup of coffee on the floor, and her first instinct, \u201cI mean a millisecond after it hit the floor\u201d as she puts it, was: \u201cDamn you, Steve\u201d. Steve is her husband, who had come back home late the night before, making her go to bed later than usual, and, unlike other mornings, she now craved a second cup of coffee. Which, as described, smashed on the floor and messed up the entire kitchen and her clothes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The phone call that followed ended with an abrupt hang-up, because Steve (who just called) had anticipated what had happened. At that point exactly, says Brown, we have the option to control how the situation evolves. She points out that looking for someone to blame \u201cgives us some semblance of control\u201d, so much so that we may even prefer to blame ourselves rather than not blame anyone at all. But just like what had happened with Brown and her husband, pointing a finger doesn\u2019t generate any productive results. Actually, the research shows that blame is nothing more than \u201ca discharge of discomfort and pain\u201d, which we just don\u2019t want to listen to. On the other hand, accountability puts us in a position of vulnerability, because we have to admit that something that had happened was unpleasant for us. But this is the moment when the other side can open up and listen to us, and even take action to fix a certain situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In simple worlds, instead of telling people that they are in the wrong, it\u2019s much more practical to just let them know how they can simply do good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n